dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
either way he was missing a nipple.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
