hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
