just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
