Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize