Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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