I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
someone owes me an orgasm
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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