this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this beer tastes like vomit already
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
