Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
