your thong is hanging out like whoa
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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