I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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