What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
