i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
