last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
