Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
