How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
