Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
