I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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