Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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