i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
