I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
