Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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