kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
