Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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