someone threw a dead crab at me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
