I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
