Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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