She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
