i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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