so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
