This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
