I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont even know how to be here
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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