New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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