Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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