I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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