apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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