I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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