just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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