R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
