clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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