so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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