...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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