those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
