I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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