Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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