I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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