I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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