dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
