I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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