I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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