so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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