After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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