like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
