you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's like God shit irony all over that family
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize