Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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