I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
