I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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