Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
