she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
