i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
