you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bring me that man meat
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
