everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize