bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
