I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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