so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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