So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
