i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
