I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
