Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?