Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
