We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
