I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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