It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
