sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize