Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
