booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
